UWS, 11pm: An update on the soul-sucking process of signing up for an online dating site –
I’m lucky I’ve done this before. I’m too lazy after a 12-hour workday to actually find photos that make me look simultaneously beautiful, fun, down to earth and intelligent. I spent some time this evening surveying the profiles of my ‘competitors.’ Who are these girls who create online profiles? All of them love their family, friends, life but are looking for their special someone. They all love going out but equally enjoy a night in in their favorite sweatpants. They love to eat, but workout 5x a week and have PERFECT bodies. Where are these super fembots with shining personalities living? Definitely not on the Upper East Side like they claim.
I’ve spent the greater half of this evening stripping my profile of every bit of my personality. I replaced my Franzen reference with a mention of Nicholas Sparks and removed my alma mater in case music school seems a bit too edgy. After a lot of editing, this is what I came up with as a generic, catch-all profile (feel free to vomit. I did a little bit.) :
I’m friendly, open and I like to laugh – people always tell me I’m smiley. I’m happy that every year life keeps getting better. I’m from Atlanta and I’ve been in New York for a little over a year – this city is so amazing. I love going out as much as I love just spending a night in, drinking wine and watching chick-flicks with my girls!
I love my life, my job, my family and friends – I’m just missing that special someone. It’s all about the chemistry for me – if there’s no spark it’s not worth it! I’m a girly girl that will shop ‘til she drops but I can also be convinced to run. I have a great sense of humor and am looking for someone I can have a great time with no matter what.
When it comes down to it, I’m pretty sure my profile will rarely be read in full and that most men will contact me because of this picture of my legs:
I know. They’re fantastic. I’d wink at me too…
I felt a piece of me die tonight when I forked over $24 per month for the next three months, but I’m rationalizing the decision with this knowledge – I will make back my money and then some in free drinks in the months to come.