27 Thoughts I had while taking the L train home last night

Every time I go to Brooklyn, I get all OMGICOULDLIVEHERE THIS IS SO HIP, and then I walk back to the subway and have to wait for the L train…

  1. I wonder if throwing myself on the tracks, getting hit by the train (but not fatally) and rushed to the hospital will get me back to Manhattan faster.
  2. The couple behind me arguing over the pronunciation of Fette Sau is sooooo textbook couple who decided to venture out of Manhattan to Williamsburg for the night.
  3. I really wish I’d admitted to the fact that I initially attempted to order two slices of pizza when the guy looked at me said, “Just one, right?”
  4. Why is pizza in New York so salty?
  5. Is it really because of the water?
  6. The water doesn’t seem so salty.
  7. That couple over there is making fun of me eating my pizza. No, Tiffany, you’re not being paranoid. They are. THEY ARE.
  8. Having to transfer trains is one of the worst fates known to man.
  9. I really wish I had more pizza and/or alcohol.
  10. This is why going to Brooklyn should be reserved for the weekend… or never.
  11. There is no trash can on this platform.
  12. Can I throw my paper plate on the tracks? Will it help the rats?
  13. Will they build little homes with it?
  14. There’s a guy leaning dangerously over the tracks. If he’s the next person to fall and get hit by the L train, do I gain some sort of life points for having witnessed that?
  15. Really, when is this train fucking coming?
  16. Worst club ever.
  17. “Sweet rats, dude.” Is not a phrase I ever want to hear again.
  18. If I lick the grease off my paper plate, will it taste like pizza enough to be worth the scorn of judge-y couple?
  19. Seriously, is this train coming from Jersey?
  20. If I take the train that’s going in the opposite direction until it turns around and heads back this way, will I get home at the same time?
  21. Finally! Holy hell that took forever and I am now sweaty from standing down here forever.
  22. God this train is packed.
  23. Stepping into the mass of people on the inexplicably, perpetually packed L is what I’d imagine stepping into the armpit of any member of MGMT is like.
  24. This thing I’m using to grab onto is not something people should have to hold onto to stay upright on the train.
  25. This is definitely some sort of super cold pipe meant to punish me for ever going to Brooklyn.
  26. What is the train honking at mid-tunnel? Other trains?

And finally, at the 3rd Avenue stop.

27. Why the FUCK was this giant rolling fan on the train?

2 thoughts on “27 Thoughts I had while taking the L train home last night

  1. R Peon says:

    Reminds me of the Metro in D.F. That is why I live in Atlanta!!

  2. […] enough people in our group to take a cab (rather than the L) back: +700 […]

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