I hate you, Karmin.

“Oooh, you are SO jealous of them.”

It was May, Chris and I were sitting at Spitzer’s in the Lower East Side at happy hour when Karmin, the YouTube rapping sensation turned pop group with a major record deal walked in to conduct an interview before their show across the street. We’d first discovered Karmin a year before when their cover of Look at Me Now went viral in early 2011.

I have this obnoxious, knee-jerk reaction to seeing a musician that I think went to my college –

“Berkleeeee!!!! They definitely went to Berklee. Those harmonies are so jazz school. That modulation right there… I think that’s a hybrid chord.” I haven’t played music in years but my inner music school douchebag is alive and well, ready to regurgitate any term I still remember.

I was right. They did go to Berklee and graduated a year before me. I  was surprised by the fact that I’d never heard of them while I was at Berklee – there was always a certain buzz around the Berklee elite, it seemed that the well-known students there had the school’s seal of approval and were bound for fame while the rest of us could only hope for a good cover band gig. I felt a sense of pride in the fact that someone who could do such a good Weezy cover went to my college, but seeing someone who forged their own path make it filled me with self-hatred for not trying harder. I checked out their original songs, looking for any scrap of ammunition against the notion that I’d hastily thrown again a really great opportunity. Their original songs were awful – just so cheesy. I took a big deep sigh of relief. Karmin had one viral video, but they sucked and would never get big. Order was restored to my world and I completely forgot about the duo.

That was until May 2012, as I sat there watching the lead singer, with her characteristically coiffed hair and terrifyingly expressive face participate in an interview while I gave her death glares from behind my glass of wine.

“You are SOOO jealous.”
“NO. It’s. not. that… It’sjustthatIfindit REALLLLY ironic that my biggest celebrity sighting in new York is someone who went to MY college and I probably passed in the hallway ALL the time and I never even knew who she was. That’s all. I’m not jealous.”

I went home, drank a six pack of cider and stayed up until 3 AM watching videos of that time John Mayer spoke to us in the Berklee auditorium while I cried.

Envying a stranger’s success is bizarre. I have several friends from school who are entering the stage where their music careers are taking off and I’m not jealous of them. I think it’s because I saw them working so hard and know how much they deserve it. When it comes to Karmin though, it’s like I was walking along, completely content in my life decisions and BAM! there was another person who reminded me of a dream I used to have. I’m overrun with psycho-jealousy. Psycho-jealousy, if you’ve never heard of it, is a particularly acute and poisonous form of jealousy. I’d estimate its negative effects on my pscyhe are somewhere along the lines of 513% more negative than regular jealousy.

Here’s a graph to describe what my Karmin-psycho-jealousy has done to me:

I have no real point to make here, other than that I wouldn’t advise becoming obsessively jealous of anyone, and if said person happens to have a youtube account, probably don’t spend a lot of your time watching their youtube videos and sending them to your friends to be like LOOK AT HOW TERRIBLE THIS PERSON IS AREN’T THEY AWFUL?!?! because it only causes that jealousy to grow and take deeper root inside your soul until you start to feel as though you’re actively being followed by a rap/pop duo that seriously does not know who you are.

In other news, writing this post caused me to watch so many Karmin music videos in the process of writing it that I think I’m starting to like them…

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