Other possible titles for this post:
Why I have to rename my guinea pigs
Things I learned about myself after seeing myself on video
On forgetting how to smile
In case you haven’t yet heard about what’s going on in my life: Last week I got the opportunity to audition for Wheel of Fortune.
I LOVE Wheel of Fortune. Like, I could watch that shit all day. Every year since my junior year of college, I’ve gone to the Wheel of Fortune site and applied to be a contestant because, A.) I’m always trying to find more money for shoes and B.) I enjoy filling out internet forms when I’m drunk. Way before I started my online dating project, I signed up for eHarmony at 3 AM on a Saturday night just because the form seemed like fun.
So anyway, last week I’m sitting at home and I get this email from Wheel of motherfucking Fortune asking me to apply to be a contestant. HELL YES! The only catch was that before getting an in-person audition, I had to create a sixty second video and upload it to their site. I spent most of last week plotting my audition video. On Friday, with only 15 minutes to spare before the deadline, I recorded a video and sent it to Wheel of Fortune.
MAKING A VIDEO IS HARD. If you aren’t particularly comfortable with your looks, and you’re not particularly comfortable with being able to review anything you’ve said, making a video is TERRIFYING. I was sitting in my room, using my webcam to videotape myself, and trying to muster up every ounce of I-don’t-give-a-fuck-ness to send in this video.
I eventually did, but it was only after drinking a giant glass of bourbon and uploading the video before allowing myself to watch it play back. I couldn’t deal with what was happening – I spent about 30 minutes retaking my picture via webcam because with every photo I took I looked increasingly like the chick in the overly attached girlfriend meme. Amazingly, I received an invite to an in-person audition only 15 minutes after submitting my tape. I can only assume that most people are deterred by how difficult it is to make a video.
ANYWAY, here’s my video:
Some things I noticed about myself:
1. Do I have a Midwestern accent?
2. That weird thing my mouth does 30 seconds in.
3. Speaking in normal sentences is hard, it seems.
4. I’m DEFINITELY going to have to rename my guinea pigs… if they don’t die from the trauma that was my holding them up and giving them fake names like 8 times.
Peace, love and OMGIHOPEIGETONWHEELOFFORTUNE,