BWCE staff

Ok, the moment has arrived: Today you all get your collages for sharing my blog on your Facebook pages! I decided to bribe all of my Facebook friends with the promise of collages for shares because I did it last year and I got more blog views in one week than I’d gotten EVER. That being said, I was truly floored by the number of shares this year and initially a bit intimidated by the thought of creating collages for so many people. But then I started thinking… What if BWCE was a giant, multinational corporation? What role would all of you play in it?

Hellllllll yea.

So, after several hours of Facebook stalking all of you (and several mimosas), I’ve assumed the role of imaginary CEO and created positions for all of you. CONGRATULATIONS!

FYI – It’s incredibly difficult to superimpose your face on the Donald’s… mainly because of the color of his spray-tanned face. It’s definitely not human.

I don’t really have any managing people experience, but I’ve attempted to arrange all of you in departments. See below for your department, title and office.

The BO$$ Department: 

Let’s be honest, if BWCE ever becomes some giant company, I’m cashing in my stock, dying my hair Ke$ha blonde and retiring to Hoboken.

I will drink in ALL of the Irish pubs.

Of course, I have to leave my empire to someone, and I would never leave it to anyone other than Austin. Before embarking on the drunken vacation known as retirement, I will appoint Austin with the tile of “God.” Yes, you do all have to call him God. I hope you’re ok with that.
Oh Austin, you will probably turn BWCE into the highest fashion thing ever, or an augmented reality blog (WHAT WOULD THAT BE LIKE NOW I WANT IT?!?!), but either way, you will make it awesome. And in my absence, you are allowed cats.

The Security Department: 

Security is an issue at BWCE. When you make fun of basically everyone and everything ever, you need to make sure you’re got a team of highly-skilled professionals to stop assailants at all times of the day/night. Also, considering that the company’s Mission Statement is “Shots!Shots!Shots!”, you can imagine the employees create their own trouble on a regular basis.

That’s why I’ve hired Adam, Frank and Joe for their diverse skills in defending my company.

It was bring your daughter to work day when this was taken. Adam still defeated three attempted attacks with stress balls.

No, seriously… I wouldn’t mess with Frank.

He will also prank you so hard you’ll wish you were never born.

The Operations Department:

Over the course of my life, I’ve accumulated some pretty smart friends. Having smart friends is great, because when you’re all like, “What’s all this fiscal cliff stuff? I don’t watch the news,” they can explain it to you. I definitely trust the following people with my business much more than I trust myself.

Fact: Jane has watched more TV than I have. I can’t even recommend anything to her because she’s seen it already. I’m impressed and you should be too.

Jane, if you click on your collage it will link you to the new reality show I’m really excited for us to all watch.

Turner, you haven’t posted your job title or anything on FB, but it seems like you do government things. Either way, I trust you to make sure we’re not doing anything TOO illegal at BWCE.

Yes, Turner, we are going to recreate the Oval Office at BWCE headquarters. The only caveat is that as Austin is head of design, it may end up being an all black oval office. Sorry, you can’t fight God’s will.

Chris knows things about money. I zone out most of the time when he talks about it, so I figure we’ll just let him handle the money stuff.

The Creative Department:

We are better than Thought Catalog. That’s all.

While stalking her, I realized that Allison has had some of the most awesome hair colors/ cuts in the past few years. I want her to advise the entire BWCE team on how to cut their hair. If we’re going to be going to conferences with Facebook and LinkedIn, we’ve gotta look awesome. If she can’t come up with an appropriate hair color for you, she will knit you one, because she’s just that good.

He’ll make you swoon so hard you’ll need a drink. Then he’ll make you a drink. #thebest

Our writers need inspiration, and Jules can provide that. Look at all those beauty awards she’s won.


So, there you have it: the future BWCE staff. For serious though, thank you all so much for clicking, reading and sharing my blog. I have big plans for BWCE, and every time you tell a friend about it an angel poops glitter. Ok, maybe not, but I clap and bounce. A lot.



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