The Worst Case Scenario Playlist

I’m going to reveal my utter chickishness when it comes to this post, but oh well.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. If you were hoping for a date and there’s no one to be found, you’re probably out of luck. If you were hoping for a couple friends to keep you company but all of them have other plans, you’re probably out of luck there too. That is of course unless you’re in a romcom… Then you can expect that at some point during the day someone is going to make a huge romantic gesture, or you’re going to make out with you best friend under fireworks, or something like that happens in Valentine’s Day. I got totally bored in the middle of it and ordered a bunch of food from Papa John’s.

So you’ve reached the end of the road and tomorrow you’re going to sit at home, drinking wine and watching TV, maybe you’ll even feel sorry for yourself for awhile. I say, step it up a notch. In my newfound spirit of loving everything Valentine’s Day, I think you should celebrate a shitty Valentine’s Day too. Consider it a good chance to feel, and what’s better for inspiring feeling than music?

Here’s what I suggest you do tomorrow: Go to work all dressed up. Pretend you’ve got something fancy to do, because having something fancy to do is always a good excuse to leave work early. On the way home, pick up your favorite snacks and something to drink as well as something that you can take shots of. If you follow my playlist, there will be a drinking game involved. Get your ass home early, put on your favorite pajamas, and begin the Best/Worst Valentine’s night of your life.

Stage 1 – You are still very sober

“Wide Awake” by Katy Perry.
I’m not all that big of a Katy Perry fan, but OMG this song is so good, right? It sounds hopeful, but it’s so sad. There are few songs in this word that make me go, “I wish I’d just gotten dumped because this shit would be so cathartic,” but this song is one of those.

“Leave” by JoJo.
I’d save this for later, because it’s kinda cheezy, but you’re not going to be able to belt those high notes when you’re drunk. Being cheated on has never been my reason for getting out of a long term relationship, but 14-yr-old JoJo sings this so passionately that it makes me able to turn, “Because you were kinda boring,” into, “YOU RUINED MY SOUL YOU BASTARD.”

“Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit.
I didn’t curse until I was probably 18 but I remember listening to this song on my whatever came before an iPod MP3 player in the 9th grade and mouthing the curse words that I imagined Fred Durst was singing (I had the edited version) because I just felt like he got me. You still do, Fred Durst. You still do.

Stage 2 – Ok, let’s play some drinking games

“Irreplaceable” by Beyonce.
Every time Beyonce says, “To the left, To the left,” take a shot.

“Cry Me A River” by Justin Timberlake.
Every time Justin sings, “Cry me, Cry me,” in falsetto in the background, take a shot. For a little schadenfreude, you can watch the music video and then Google pictures of Britney Spears during her mental breakdown years.

“So What?” by P!nk.
Ok, so if you were playing properly you’re definitely drunk by now. Take a shot of water every time P!nk says, “So what?”

“Wide Awake” by Katy Perry.
No drinking game here, I just wanna talk about how great this song is again.

Stage 3 – You’re drunk. Time to remind yourself of how awesome you are

“I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred.
You’ll probably only get through one minute of this, but it’ll be worth it.

“Stronger” by Britney Spears.
I would not recommend trying the chair dance right now. Or ever.

“Still Not A Player” by Big Pun.
I don’t know what this song has to do with Valentine’s Day. I just really like it.

Stage 4 – You’re drunk enough that you’re ready to cry

“We Found Love” and “I Knew You Were Trouble” mashup
You’re going to have to make your own, but it will be worth it. Open two separate YouTube windows and pull up the two songs. Watch the intro to “We Found Love” and then right before the song starts, pause the video and watch “I Knew You Were Trouble.” Make sure to skip Taylor’s intro, that is basically a knock-off of Rihanna’s. The song starts 2 minutes in.

“You Were Meant For Me” by Jewel.
I think the first time I heard this song when I was in the 3rd grade, I learned what sadness truly was. Of course, 8 year old Tiffany thought about all of her dead pets and missing them, but it still got me every time.

“Wide Awake” by Katy Perry.
It’s totally about Russell Brand, right?

“Lovin’s for Fools” by Bon Iver.
Ohmygoditssosad.

Stage 5 – Success! It’s almost bedtime. You’ve survived!

Order yourself something delicious off of Seamless and watch a couple episodes of How I Met Your Mother. That always makes me feel better.

Peace, love and I’m gonna go listen to “Wide Awake” on repeat, 

BWCE

 

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5 thoughts on “The Worst Case Scenario Playlist

  1. Hib says:

    First of all, I’d be hospitalized if I played that drinking game.

    Secondly, I had far less empowering songs in my mix. My personal sadness mix, courtesy of the year 2005, goes a little something like this:

    The entire James Blunt (Back to Bedlam) cd, extra points for putting on ‘goodbye my lover’ on repeat for at least 45 min.
    Throw in some Damien Rice.
    Gavin Degraw, Chariot (Still don’t fully understand what this song is about but somehow it spoke to me).
    Howie Day, Collide (because obvi we’re MEANT to be together)
    Papa Roach, Scars (yay alcoholic exes)
    Blue October, Hate me (ditto above)
    That ‘don’t look back in anger’ song by Oasis

    Rinse and repeat

  2. Hannah says:

    So I guess my mix is more of an angry/sad “F*** You!” kinda playlist (hence the multiple appearances of Fiona Apple and Kate Nash), but I like to think there are some good ones in there….

    Paper Bag – Fiona Apple
    (I thought he was a boy but he was just a paper bag)
    Blow Me (One Last Kiss) – P!nk
    (I think I’m just too serious, I think you’re full of sh!t)
    Dickhead – Kate Nash
    (I wish you were more intelligent so you could see what you’re doing to me)
    Merry Happy – Kate Nash
    (Make me very very happy but you obviously, you didn’t want to stick around)
    Don’t Mistake Kindness for Weakness – Albert Collins
    (because who doesn’t like some good ‘ol fashion delta blues guitar!)
    Sitting, Waiting, Wishing – Jack Johnson
    (Learning loving somebody don’t mean they love you)
    Last Love Song – ZZ Ward
    (Buy a one-way ticket out of this place, Everything I need I got it with me)
    Not Too Late – Norah Jones
    (My lungs are out of air, and yours are holding smoke.)
    Parting Gift – Fiona Apple
    (Oh you silly stupid past-time of mine. You were always good for a rhyme.)
    I Walk A Little Faster – Fiona Apple
    (Build a little stronger castle in the air, and thinking you’ll be there, I walk a little faster)
    Ever Fallen In Love – Nouvelle Vague
    (And if I start a commotion, I run the risk of losing you, and that’s worse)
    The Nicest Thing – Kate Nash
    (Basically, I wish that you loved me. I wish that you needed me.)

    • Hannah,

      Nicest Thing, Paper Bag and Merry Happy are three of my FAVORITES! Also, the opening verse to Sleep to Dream is awesome for angry, F you music.

      Thanks for the list!

      • Hannah says:

        No prob Tiffany! 🙂

        I had a couple other Fiona songs on the list but felt it was a bit excessive…
        Periphery, Love Ridden, Get Gone, Sleep to Dream (of course! haha), and at times Hot Knife… But it is more of a “One Way or Another” kinda attitude…

        Even the album title is awesomely angsty!
        The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than The Driver Of The Screw
        And Whipping Cords WIll Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do.

        Oh yeah, and how did we all forget Single Ladies (Put a ring on it) and Girls Run The World by Beyonce?

  3. OMG, ok. I should have added trying to do the Single Ladies dance to the drunken portion of the evening!

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