Because Everyone Wants that Effortless “Oh, I Just Tied This Button Down Around My Waist Because It’s Hot in Here” look.

So, I have a ton of stuff that I could be writing right now. Seriously, I have like five half-written posts, at least one video I want to make and also a bunch of Gchat conversations with people that could inspire a posts… But goshdarnit, I just don’t want to do ANY of that. Why, Tiffany, you ask? You’ve had such a good two weeks between getting on Thought Catalog (3 times, mo’fuckas!) and Seamless Web actually reading your open letter to them and as a result sending you goodies AND featuring you in their newsletter or something. You have every reason to excitedly blog!

Yes, you are right conscience/reader. You are so right. But you know what? I’m SO FUCKING EXCITED about all of this stuff that it’s been really difficult for me to concentrate on anything other than refreshing my (a) blog stats, (b) facebook page, (c) multiple Thought Catalog posts so I can read the comments. This week has felt like the longest week ever because I’m just waiting for Saturday when I can camp out in a Starbucks and do all this blog shit that’s on my mind.

Sometimes being so ambitious really gets in my way… JK, but I think that’s possibly the douchiest thing I’ve ever come up with before. I’m gonna say it some time and then sigh and look away and see if anyone slaps me in the face.

Anyway, because I can’t get my brain to function, I’m just going to let you in on how I’m spending my Wednesday night: Drinking bourbon and examining Rihanna’s foray into fashion and trying to figure out specific use cases for various articles of clothing.

“This navy zip front skirt with tied denim shirt is a cool ready-styled look – no effort needed!”

This is definitely something that people born after 1990 are purchasing, right? Like, the rest of us remember how not difficult it is to do this. Also, we never want to do it again. No matter how cool I found her in the 4th grade, I never want to look like I stepped out The Secret World of Alex Mack again.

“We’re seeing double with this cool take on mixing denim! With a huge spring trend ready-made, these double top jeans have an innovative spin on casual dressing.”

Ok, this is the image that every blog/site ever is talking about, but I MUST address it. I’m assuming this is for when you’re like, “UGH. I really don’t know if I should go for a hipster high waist thing or a casual, low rise skinny jeans thing. I also feel like wearing capris. OH WAIT I HAVE PANTS THAT ARE ALL THREE.”

Also, their copywriters are killing me. “A huge spring trend??” The first time I see a pair of these walking down Broadway I’m gonna have a massive bouncing/clapping fit and you guys are all going to hear about it.

Remember like three posts ago when I made fun of the overall shorts I was wearing?

The *genius* copywriters recommend that you wear it with the double pants. I KIND OF LIKE IT SOMETHING IS DEFINITELY HAPPENING TO ME AND WHATEVER IT IS, IT’S NO GOOD.

Now my brain just wants to know what it would look like if she put her right hand in the upper pocket but left the other where it is……

Onto my two favorite runway looks:

“I’m going to this theme party. Yeah, it’s Baywatch meets V.I.P.”

Ohhhh yeah, you see what I did there with my useless Pam Anderson knowledge?

I don’t really have a comment on this one, except that I’m desperately awaiting the Lady Gaga-RiRi feud when Gaga sees this and is like, “Wait? Why is RiRi copying what I wear all the time??”

………………………….

Ok, so the best part of all of this is DID YOU GUYS KNOW ALL OF THIS SHIT IS SOLD OUT?

I don’t know. I can’t. I’m dying.

Is this what getting old is like?

Do I simply not understand?

Are the youths wearing this?

I am having a third quarter-life crisis over here. AM I TOO OLD TO HAVE A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS BECAUSE I DON’T GET RIHANNA’S FASHION LINE?

Ok, I’m going to go hyperventilate in a corner until the bourbon kicks in, then try to put one pair of pants of the other.

Peace, love and I’ll get back to normal blogging next Tuesday, 

BWCE

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