Groundhog’s Day is Stupid

This morning I was taking a cab to work, because I have recently (ie – in the past 9 months) become one of those pieces of shit who actually pays $10 to get to work in lieu of walking or paying $2 to get to work slightly more quickly via subway because it involves walking up the stairs at the W 4th street stop and I have some sort of vendetta against those stairs (they smell like piss and are kinda steep).

Seriously, though, you have to walk up stairs to walk back down stairs. It’s dumb an I object. But, back to the cab. So, for one thing when it snows in the city and you take a cab, the cab drivers seem to enjoy passive aggressively scolding their fares for taking a cab in the first place. Today (because I am double-shitty and wore sneakers instead of snow boots and COULDN’T walk home), both cab drivers immediately were like, “HEY. IT’S ICY OUT.”

Yes. Yes, cab driver. It is icy out. That is exactly why I have fled to the safety of your car rather than enjoyed my usually lovely walk through Soho to work. I can check Facebook and walk at the same time. I absolutely don’t need to be riding in your cab to accomplish all of my morning goals. They are not too lofty. But the cab drivers like to keep going with the passive aggression. With the sighing and talking about how it’s icy out and dangerous on the street and I want to be like LISTEN IF YOU DON’T WANT ME HERE I GET IT I’VE BEEN IN ENOUGH COLLEGE HOOK-UP SITUATIONS TO UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON. But I really didn’t want to get my new sneakers wet so I just kinda dealt with it. Just like in college when their apartment was closer to my 9 AM class. I was prepared for this, cab driver.

Ok, side rant over. Anyway, when I was in the cab this morning the radio people were talking about Groundhog Day. The first thing they said was how Puxatawney Phil in Philadelphia saw his shadow and so six weeks more winter and for whatever reason the whole crowd cheered. And also during the announcement they were like, “start using hashtag six more weeks.” Which seems like a really pathetic attempt to make Groundhog Day still happen.

But so then, immediately after that, the news was like BUT IN STATEN ISLAND, twobuckchuck or whatever our groundhog’s name is (may the one De Blasio killed last year RIP) was all, ‘hey no shadow’ and AGAIN EVERYONE CHEERED. Which makes more sense, but given Philly’s reaction I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE CHEERING FOR. Is it the groundhog coming out of his groundhog house/hole on command? Is it the preservation of tradition? Is it that they know that TBS will DEF be playing that Bill Murray movie on syndication like alllllll day long?

Look, I sort of get that tradition is sort of important (basically I don’t, but I’m trying here), and that we have to have SOMETHING to do in February because Valentine’s Day is coming, fuck. But can’t we at least stick with one soothsaying groundhog like we stick with one Santa?

It’s getting really close to midnight and if I don’t publish this soon I fear I’m going to end up in the plot of that Bill Murray movie.

Groundhog’s day is stupid and always makes me think I have something to do on February 2nd when I don’t. But groundhogs are cute! Let’s look at some of them:

daww da babies

That’s it. It snowed today so I’m going with Puxatawney Phil’s soothsaying. Stupid winter. Diediedie.

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