The Internet Should Be Read-Only after 9 PM

Do you hang out on the Internet at night? Do you often regret the things you’ve said/ordered off Amazon/said on the Internet at night? Me too. While this sounds like the beginning of an infomercial, I have neither the platform or the discipline to make one, so this is just a blog post about a strong opinion I have. SORRY.

So my thing with the Internet is that *it’s great*, right? Isn’t it great? It’s probably tracking everything I do, but IDK, I don’t do anything super-illegal and also it kinda feels nice that the Internet like, cares, that much to track all my movements. The Internet is basically the best listener ever.

The thing about the Internet that’s problematic for me is that I use it after 9 PM sometimes. It doesn’t matter if I’m drunk/high/totally sober, I’m  a total weirdo by like 8 PM because I’ve used up all my normal-humaning on work and so I’m gonna email my friends youtube videos of birds that have subject lines like “IT ME LETS MOVE

TO THE DESERT YES?” and then the next day I have to explain to my friend that no, it was not acid, I just have poor impulse control.

So I’d like to propose a new protocol. The Internet should be read-only after 9 PM. Based on your timezone, when you get on your wifi, it should block you from sending ANYTHING. Emergencies are for phones. Mistakes are for computers.

SRSLY, back away from the internet

BWCE

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