Tag Archives: fashion

Because Everyone Wants that Effortless “Oh, I Just Tied This Button Down Around My Waist Because It’s Hot in Here” look.

So, I have a ton of stuff that I could be writing right now. Seriously, I have like five half-written posts, at least one video I want to make and also a bunch of Gchat conversations with people that could inspire a posts… But goshdarnit, I just don’t want to do ANY of that. Why, Tiffany, you ask? You’ve had such a good two weeks between getting on Thought Catalog (3 times, mo’fuckas!) and Seamless Web actually reading your open letter to them and as a result sending you goodies AND featuring you in their newsletter or something. You have every reason to excitedly blog!

Yes, you are right conscience/reader. You are so right. But you know what? I’m SO FUCKING EXCITED about all of this stuff that it’s been really difficult for me to concentrate on anything other than refreshing my (a) blog stats, (b) facebook page, (c) multiple Thought Catalog posts so I can read the comments. This week has felt like the longest week ever because I’m just waiting for Saturday when I can camp out in a Starbucks and do all this blog shit that’s on my mind.

Sometimes being so ambitious really gets in my way… JK, but I think that’s possibly the douchiest thing I’ve ever come up with before. I’m gonna say it some time and then sigh and look away and see if anyone slaps me in the face.

Anyway, because I can’t get my brain to function, I’m just going to let you in on how I’m spending my Wednesday night: Drinking bourbon and examining Rihanna’s foray into fashion and trying to figure out specific use cases for various articles of clothing.

“This navy zip front skirt with tied denim shirt is a cool ready-styled look – no effort needed!”

This is definitely something that people born after 1990 are purchasing, right? Like, the rest of us remember how not difficult it is to do this. Also, we never want to do it again. No matter how cool I found her in the 4th grade, I never want to look like I stepped out The Secret World of Alex Mack again.

“We’re seeing double with this cool take on mixing denim! With a huge spring trend ready-made, these double top jeans have an innovative spin on casual dressing.”

Ok, this is the image that every blog/site ever is talking about, but I MUST address it. I’m assuming this is for when you’re like, “UGH. I really don’t know if I should go for a hipster high waist thing or a casual, low rise skinny jeans thing. I also feel like wearing capris. OH WAIT I HAVE PANTS THAT ARE ALL THREE.”

Also, their copywriters are killing me. “A huge spring trend??” The first time I see a pair of these walking down Broadway I’m gonna have a massive bouncing/clapping fit and you guys are all going to hear about it.

Remember like three posts ago when I made fun of the overall shorts I was wearing?

The *genius* copywriters recommend that you wear it with the double pants. I KIND OF LIKE IT SOMETHING IS DEFINITELY HAPPENING TO ME AND WHATEVER IT IS, IT’S NO GOOD.

Now my brain just wants to know what it would look like if she put her right hand in the upper pocket but left the other where it is……

Onto my two favorite runway looks:

“I’m going to this theme party. Yeah, it’s Baywatch meets V.I.P.”

Ohhhh yeah, you see what I did there with my useless Pam Anderson knowledge?

I don’t really have a comment on this one, except that I’m desperately awaiting the Lady Gaga-RiRi feud when Gaga sees this and is like, “Wait? Why is RiRi copying what I wear all the time??”

………………………….

Ok, so the best part of all of this is DID YOU GUYS KNOW ALL OF THIS SHIT IS SOLD OUT?

I don’t know. I can’t. I’m dying.

Is this what getting old is like?

Do I simply not understand?

Are the youths wearing this?

I am having a third quarter-life crisis over here. AM I TOO OLD TO HAVE A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS BECAUSE I DON’T GET RIHANNA’S FASHION LINE?

Ok, I’m going to go hyperventilate in a corner until the bourbon kicks in, then try to put one pair of pants of the other.

Peace, love and I’ll get back to normal blogging next Tuesday, 

BWCE

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And this is why I’m not a fashion blogger

My sister-in-law recently launched an awesome new website – it’s kinda like Forever21, but there’s less teeny/tie-dyed things and a better curated handbag selection. So, she sent me some super cute accessories and I promised to take some Lookbook style photos for her.

After trying to do this, I now have mad respect for my favorite fashion bloggers. Every time I read Cupcakes and Cashmere I’m all, “Whatever, her boyfriend takes those photos and she knows how to use photoshop.” Now that I’ve attempted this formula, I understand how difficult it is to 1. Look effortlessly cute while standing in a street/ alley/ barn and 2. Instruct your significant other, who doesn’t spend hours reading fashion blogs, on how to choose the best moments to take a photo AND 3. Learn how to use fucking photoshop. Shit is hard. Also, I have now decided that fashion bloggers probably don’t use an iPhone to take their pictures.

ANYWAY. While, I won’t be sending these photos to my sister-in-law, I realized when boyfriend and I slid into the cab last Friday night that I had to share them with all of you. We’d just finished dinner at the Smith, and after 2 or so glasses of wine I was feeling brave enough to be photographed.

“Here! This is the perfect spot!” I threw my purse on the ground because it didn’t match my shoes.

“Ummm, how do I work this thing?” Chris as an android. Poor thing.

“Focus mainly on my shoes. It’s about the shoes.”

“I don’t know that the light directly above your forehead is the best choice for this photo shoot.”

“Just take a picture of my shoes and make the rest blurry!!” I clearly don’t understand how cameras work.

The ‘photoshoot’ ended by a group of older, drunk people walking out of the back exit of the restaurant and stepping onto my purse, and then the guy who stepped on my pursing didn’t apologize but instead said, “Oh! Good! For a second I thought that was a rat.”

Annnnndddddd here’s why I’ll never have a fashion blog:

Attempted look: “Effortlessly cute.”
Actual look: “BREATHING TAKES A LOT OF EFFORT!”

Attempted look: “Oh, you’re taking a pic of me? I was just looking to the side and thinking about how awesome I am.”
Actual look: “No, I’m really sorry. I don’t have 25 cents. Oh… God bless you too?”

Attempted look: “Super blurry, yet amazingly fashionable pic of my shoes!”
Actual look: Chris accidentally pressed the ‘capture’ button while trying to figure out the whole focus-on-the-shoes-everything-else-is-blurry thing.

Attempted look: “Something unexpected happened, but I’m so fashionable that the only way you can tell something unexpected happened is that my hair is now wavy.”
Actual look: “WTF. My purse is NOT a rat. If he broke my BRAND NEW F21 sunglasses I’m gonna freak out bc I can’t afford another pair!”

After my failed photo session with Chris, I comforted myself by knowing that both Austin and Shiva have the blog/photo thing on lockdown. One day I’ll look all model-y as a result of their photo skills…. Or I’ll just use Angela instead of me. She always looks model-y.

If you’d like to read my non-photo related fashion blogging debut, you can right here. I don’t curse or talk about alcohol once! Can you believe it?

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