Tag Archives: friends

Can we combine Facebook profiles?

Recently I’ve noticed an interesting trend among my married friends on facebook: Joint profiles. I’ll be scrolling through my minifeed and suddenly I’ll see LindseyandJonathan Green and I’ll be like, whatttttt? That’s two people!?

I’ve spent enough Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights in a church pew to guess that this is some new thing pastors are recommending to young married couples so that Facebook does not tempt them to ‘stray.’

I’m promise I’m not judging! You do you, married people… You know how I feel about your traditional straight people marriages anyway. Personally, after sharing my first facebook account with my roommate because our school wasn’t legit enough to have .edu email addresses, I doubt I will ever relinquish the control I have over my very own account.

But then I started thinking more about the joint account. If used correctly, there could be some serious benefits to sharing a profile with another person. How awesome would it be to have a joint account with all my friends?

THINK OF THE PERKS PEOPLE!

1. Best stalking experience ever – It’s like the day FB changes its privacy policy and no one has figured out to go change their settings… Times ten! Imagine this: you’re looking at a picture one of your friends was tagged in and you see someone sexy stranger in the picture. You click on them, right? But usually you can see profile pics and maybe where they work which offers you the ability to mayyyybe look for them on LinkedIn and see their professional photo. So lame. If you had a shared profile with your friends you could creep alllllll day long.

2. More minifeed updates- I realized recently that I will look through anyone’s minifeed, regardless of whether or not I know their friends, and be equally as fascinated with those people as the people in my feed. At this point, we all have so many facebook friends we barely know. Checking the minifeed is the modern equivalent of reading all the stuff written on a bathroom stall. The only difference is less dick drawings, more “Christy and Sam 4evas,” and links to Youtube videos.
I love it. I could read that shit all day, so to me, the more random people writing on the bathroom stall of the internet, the merrier.

3. We could play that game where every person writes one word of the sentence and it comes out super silly. Enough said. That game was awesome.

4. Our Klout score would be the shit. I didn’t even know what Klout really was until I started writing this post. So I signed up, but I still don’t really know what Klout is. My score is low.

5. If lots of people followed the trend, there would be less “Monday = Bad” and “Friday = Good” status updates. We’d all win.

Ok, I know there are some potential problems. What if you’re tagged in a photo and you look amazing but another member of the profile looks terrible? How do you choose a profile picture? I suggest the following solutions: Everyone must approve the tag; picture of Snookie’s baby or President Obama. Boom. Solved.

Let’s do it. Who wants to combine Facebook profiles? I’m so down to stalk your friends.

Peace, love and multiple Gmail addresses so we can keep our original profiles,

BWCE

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Ryan and I decided to be friends

I woke up at 5:30 this morning absolutely hating myself for getting drunk on a week night. It doesn’t even matter that I got myself home without getting a bunch of bodega food, at a decent hour, with all my belongings AND managed to put my mouthguard in before falling asleep with my alarm set – all things that wouldn’t have happened in college. Waking up hungover solidifies for a few brief moments the deep-seated fear that I will never be a functioning adult.

As I laid there suffering, the conversations from last night started pouring in along with some more self hatred. Really? Did we really discuss preferred types of porn? (Angela, this further answers THIS question.) On a first date? I remembered a bunch of other embarrassing things I said (and tend to say after a bottle of wine) and then I remembered that right before sliding into my cab I asked Ryan if we could be just friends.

He was all about the idea from what I remember, but in my sobriety I wonder if he really felt the same way or if he agreed because there’s not really anything else you can say to someone saying they’re not interested in you romantically.

I’m hopeful it was the former because while Ryan was a perfectly normal (and nice!) guy, there was absolutely no connection there. Aside from the fact that he did this hand motion a lot

 and I found it distracting, talking to Ryan made me feel like a weirdo.

In my day to day I don’t think of my friends or myself as quirky, but I guess that we are. Ryan talked to me about the type of things you ‘should’ talk about on a first date – how many siblings he has, what he was like in high school, etc. In the middle of my talking animatedly about Austin’s temporary paralysis and why that’s resulted in us throwing a knock-on-wood-themed New Year’s Eve party I realized this is not what you’re supposed to talk about on a first date, I guess? At the end of the story I had to clarify with “… we have a morbid sense of humor.”

If I were to chart out our back and forth, I think it would look something like this:

(I know I misspelled religion in the chart… I don’t feel like fixing it)

I left the conversation thinking about all the ways I didn’t feel understood by this other human and how for some reason not feeling understood for a few brief moments makes you feel totally alone in the universe.

Then I came home to my roommates, who were eating some of the novelty candies we buy from the bodega and I remembered I’m not alone. Not alone in my quirkiness at all.

To Ryan: If you do decide to be my friend, below are some future conversations you can expect.

  • Why geese are awesome
  • All the reasons I’m sure my retinas are detaching even though the eye doctor says they’re not
  • All about my friend named Hibben and probably some pictures of her to prove she’s real
  • About my dog that we’ve renamed ‘Die’
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